oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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