I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
