My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
