Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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