Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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