$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
They have beer where we have blood.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
