Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
