like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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