Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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