Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
