I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize