This girl is more easily done than said...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Bring me that man meat
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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