A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
