Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
