The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
