i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I checked into jail on foursquare
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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