Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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