I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
