All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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