My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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