My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
