So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
