Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
