ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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