Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
