dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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