She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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