You can't motorboat a personality
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
