is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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