I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
