Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
