porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
