Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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