Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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