found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
