you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
