ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
