it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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