i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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