I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
