in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
