I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
