if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I CAN MOONWALK!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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