she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
