so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
