i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize