I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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