she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
