So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
