I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
