chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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