Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
