oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
