I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
