Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
