I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
