Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
