just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize