I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
