Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
