and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
