no, he came in my armpit
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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