my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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