dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
