Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
