The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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