if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
