Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
