Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
