I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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