Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
