would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
