And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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